How to Destroy Community
"Christian community is not an ideal we have to realize, but rather a reality created by God in Christ in which we may participate." - Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Years ago, a frustrated church member shared a concerning remark with me. They said, “There’s no community at this church!” As a pastor, you can imagine my distress at such a claim. I immediately tried to help with some solutions. I listed several families that would love to connect with them and show them biblical hospitality. I was surprised to hear they had already met with those families, and they “just didn’t click.” I then suggested several members in the church who could disciple them and encourage them in their walk with Jesus. Again, they had already met with many of these members and dismissed these relationships by saying, “It wasn't a good fit.” As I continued to offer suggestions, I began to realize something. The problem was not that the church lacked community. The problem was that this person craved their dream of community, tailor-made to meet all their wants and preferences. That was the standard the church was failing to meet.
A Destructive Mistake: Looking for Your Dream Community
Unfortunately, this is not uncommon. Twenty-first century Americans tend to approach the local church in the same way they would a country club. Do they offer what I want to consume? Do I like the vibe? Do I click with the people? Do they have the right programs for my kids? All of these questions have a common thread: I am at the center. I start with what I want and then look for a church community that meets those preferences.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer, a 20th-century pastor and theologian, foretold the fatality of this mindset. He writes, “The person who loves their dream of community will destroy community…” Though it may not be intentional, when we put our own wants and preferences at the center of our search for community, we’re setting ourselves up for inevitable disappointment. Worse, we’re ruining the very thing we’re reaching for. A consumeristic approach to community creates division within the body. If we view each other as objects to meet our own needs, we’ll use and then discard each other when the relationship becomes difficult. We’ll complain about each other and sow discord. Eventually, when someone inevitably fails to find their dream community, they’ll leave and go restart the process at another church. No church can satisfy a consumer approach to community.
A Restoring Solution: The Jesus-Centered Community
At the beginning of his ministry, Jesus set out to create a new kind of community. But his strategy for building this community may surprise us. He started by bringing in Peter, Andrew, James, and John (Matt. 4:18-22). This makes sense. They were all fishermen and co-workers, so they should get along just fine. Then he added Philip (John 1:43). He was from the same town as Peter and Andrew, so he should fit right in. Then Jesus threw a wrench in things: Matthew?! (Matt. 9:9-13) He was a tax collector and a traitor to the Jewish people! He had likely cheated the other Galilean disciples out of their money! Surely this was a mistake. There was no way Matthew and the others would get along. Then, as if that weren’t bad enough, Jesus called Simon the Zealot. Zealots hated Rome and anyone (like Matthew) who participated in their oppressive rule. It’s almost like Jesus was intentionally placing people in His inner circle who would not get along. After His ascension, He continued this confusing trend. Jesus filled His church with Jews and Gentiles, rich and poor, slaves and their masters. He even appointed Paul, the great persecutor of the church, as one of its leaders!
What in the world was Jesus doing? It’s not that he packed his church with people who didn’t “click;” he packed it with people who probably hated each other! Why? He tells us why. He did it to display the wonder of His reconciling power (cf. Eph. 3:10). Jesus did not come to start a social club. He came to create a new humanity. His community is a supernatural community, a city on a hill (Matt. 5:14-16), where He has broken down every dividing wall of hostility (Eph. 2:14). It doesn’t matter if the walls are class, social, ethnic, or personality. “Here there is not Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave, free; but Christ is all, and in all” (Col. 3:11).
The New Testament paints a picture of a vibrant community. It’s not a community of people getting their own way, or those who found the perfect preacher and the perfect programs. It’s a community of people who have come to a Savior and laid their lives down for Him. In other words, the Scriptures reveal the church is not a self-centered community, but a self-denying, Christ-centered community.
In Jesus’ church, we welcome one another as Christ has welcomed us (Rom. 15:7). We do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility, we count others more significant than ourselves, looking not only to our interests, but also to the interests of others (Phil. 2:3-4). We love one another and outdo one another in showing honor (Rom. 12:10, 13:8; 1 Thess. 4:9; 1 Pet. 1:22, 1 John 3:11). We care for one another (1 Cor. 12:25), serve one another (Gal. 5:13; 1 Pet. 4:10), and bear one another's burdens (Gal. 6:2). We are kind and tenderhearted to one another, quick to forgive offenses (Eph. 4:32). We bear with one another when things get hard (Col. 3:13). We teach and admonish one another (Col. 3:16), encourage and build one another up (1 Thess. 5:11). We stir up one another to love and good works (Heb. 10:24) and confess sins to one another (Jas. 5:16). In laying down our preferences and serving others, this community displays Jesus to the world (John 13:34-35).
Do you see the radical difference? Rather than you being at the center of the Christian community, Christ is at the center. Rather than being a self-centered community, this is a self-denying community.
A Better Way Forward
In your search for your dream community, you may find a community that you like. But here’s the vital thing to recognize: it won’t reflect anything miraculous about Jesus. You may find the community you want, but it won't exalt Jesus. It will exalt you. But the church is a place to lay your life down. A place to serve rather than be served. A place (to rephrase JFK) to ask not what your church can do for you but what you can do for your church. This is the community that looks like and exalts Jesus!
So, ask yourself: Am I looking for my dream community, or the community Jesus created? One starts with what I want, what I think is best, and what my preferences are. The other looks outward at God and neighbor and says, “How can I serve? How can I bear burdens? How can I love? How can I build up? How can I live with others in a way that makes Jesus’ name great?” One will destroy community, while the other will create it. It’s not that Jesus wants to force you to hang out with people that you don’t like. The point is, there is a deeper love and joy to be found than a superficial community built around your preferences. A Jesus-centered community will humble you, but it will also bring you into the life-giving fellowship of your Savior.
Don't look for your dream of community. Look at the Christians in your local church, get to know them, love them, serve them, encourage them, rebuke them, bear their burdens - and welcome the same from them - and watch what Jesus does. The good news is that He has a better plan than you do. Put His miraculous, reconciling power on display in how you love those in your church. Bonhoeffer knew that too. To finish the quote above, "The person who loves their dream of community will destroy community, but the person who loves those around them will create community.”
May God always make The Parkway Church a Christ-centered community that displays His love to one another!
Recommended Resources:
Life Together, by Dietrich Bonhoeffer
The Compelling Community, by Jamie Dunlop and Mark Dever
